We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
