i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
