I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
