I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
