i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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