Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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