I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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