Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize