there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
