In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
