I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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