Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
