meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She bit a glass in half.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
