It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
