you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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