people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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