I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
