The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
