I want to walk on stilts...naked
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize