what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
