KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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