i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
jump out the window naked night went bad
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
