im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
