Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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