so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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