its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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