he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
