People in love make me want to vomit
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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