I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are the jesus of drinking
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
