The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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