so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
