Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
