so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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