I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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