Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
