hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
