she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
