His hands were made for my vagina.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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