We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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