PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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