Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
