no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.