I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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