you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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