You can't motorboat a personality
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
