so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
