this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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