i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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