you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
