God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
