he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
