Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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