Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
