He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
