If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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