So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
