Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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