Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
