so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
