and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
