I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
