do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
