...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
