My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
