what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
