We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
