I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
wanna go halves on a baby?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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