when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
