I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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