I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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