i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
