dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
