Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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