Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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