my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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