Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
