can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
