i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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