super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
