I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
