I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
