My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize