Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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