hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
