I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
