maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
