Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
