just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
