tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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