u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
