Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
